The Ninja's List of Tragedies
by glitterNsprinkles
Summary: Title says it all. Short stories of the tragedies of ninja.
1. Beautiful Eyebrows

He wanted eyebrows.

He stared into the mirror, a cold expression on his face.

He stretched the parts of his face, were eyebrows should grow, but didn't. He wondered why he didn't grow hair there. He was strange enough. Eyebrow-less was just another thing. He sighed.

He sighed and just gave up. Maybe some people were just meant to be stranger than others.

Then one day, he went on a stroll through the village. He killed a boy that dared mock his eyebrow-less face. Brave soul. Stupid soul. No one dared speak to him after that. The boy's funeral would be held a week prior. Obviously, the killer would not attend (even if he would be invited, which he wouldn't. Of course not.).

It wasn't long until he met a boy covered neck to ankle in green. He sure talked a lot. He was quite friendly. Though, his eyebrows were beautiful. Beautiful, beautiful eyebrows. The boy with red hair had never seen such beautiful eyebrows. They were fit for at least two people. Even three possibly!

He wondered what if he had such beautiful eyebrows! What a sight that would be! All the things he could do with eyebrows like these. The expressions he could make! They'd be wonderful. All with the aid of these beautiful eyebrows.

And while the boy with the beautiful eyebrows continued talking, talking about something the boy with red hair had no idea what, he killed him! Yes, the boy with red hair killed the other boy for his eyebrows.

What beautiful eyebrows he would have!

No one even asked what happened to the boy in green.

But then again, it didn't really matter.

The boy with red hair finally had eyebrows.

Beautiful, beautiful eyebrows.


	2. Magic Face Wash

One night, a girl with blonde hair washed her face. She had quite the face! Not a blemish in sight, the best skin of anyone in her village. But of course she worked at it. And she worked hard to keep her face clear, her body hot, and her hair shiny. What a beautiful kunoichi, she was!

And tonight she had finally got to try out a new sort of face wash. It was brand new! Last one on the shelves, no one had even tried it yet. She was all too excited to see what would become of her face.

When she washed off the soap, her skin never looked so beautiful!

She fell asleep, all too eager to show off to her friends!

She finally fell asleep.

Then she awoke the next morning. She hopped out of bed, and quickly went to the mirror. Yep, her face was still beautiful! More beautiful than she ever could imagine.

She had breakfast.

Her parents were speechless. She complemented her own face repeatedly. But the most her parents ever said was a stutter of her name.

She made it to the academy, fresh as ever. Everyone stared. She cupped her face and blushed. She found who she thought to be the love of her life, to say hello. He turned to look at her, but couldn't look away. Frozen stiff. She started a conversation to have him never blink or respond. Thinking he was too blown away by her beauty to do a thing, she gave him a tap on the shoulder and a promise to talk to him later.

He still never moved.

She found a few friends, and they all had the same reaction. They were all frozen solid. I must be so beautiful, she thought.

But when her teacher, stalled in the middle of the lesson, she started to find it to be a little too odd. She never knew her teacher to be a pedophile, so she started to wonder if it really was her beauty all. But of course it was!

She excused herself to the bathroom. Not one said a word. She left anyhow.

On the way to the bathroom, she noticed her love still frozen in the same spot she found him. She tapped him on the shoulder. Nothing. She started to yell. Nothing still. Finally she hit his chest and the boy fell over. Part of his head and his arm crumbled from impact. She screamed and ran home.

Her parents were still stiff. Oh no, I killed them too, She thought. All I wanted was a beautiful face!

She ran to her room and cried.

She cried all night.

She finally fell asleep.

The next morning she awoke to a nightmare.

She stared into the mirror and her face became deformed! Her nose seemed to be falling off her face, her eyes droopy. This was worse than yesterday! By tenfold, at least! She poked her face, her finger sinking in. She had to work to get her finger out, and still liquid face dripped from her finger.

She cried the rest of her face off.

She stood in a puddle of her own face.

She couldn't scream. She had no mouth!

The beautiful girl was beautiful no more. She never left her house again (no one even bothered visiting. It's said to be haunted!).


	3. Cravings

A girl with pink hair was rather hungry.

So hungry, she could eat a house! Of course that was redundant.

Her parents weren't home, and there was no food in the house. She looked down at her hands and thought, I wonder what hands must taste like! She brushed off the idea as a dumb one and continued to be hungry.

Later that night, her parents still weren't home. She was still starving and she felt her stomach was doing flips. She looked at her hands again and thought, they look just like French fries! She looked around and decided it's not weird as long as she doesn't bite down.

She slipped a finger in her mouth.

It must have been the most wonderful thing she's ever tasted! And she thought, I'm delicious! Then she decided it's okay to bite down as long as she doesn't cut if off.

But it was so good! So delicious!

Without thinking she bit off her finger! She appeared not to notice. She chewed it and spat out the bone. She swallowed. She cried from the sweetness of her skin!

Before she knew it, all of her fingers were gone! Her hands and lips were soaked in red, but oh goodness, it was good. And she was so hungry! Her poor stomach! She couldn't help it! She cut off her arm at her shoulder. She screamed! But she tasted so good.

And after she devoured an arm, she had to wonder, how would a leg taste?

She pounded a knife into her leg. It came right off! It seemed to be too easy.

She devoured her leg, her foot even! The other leg then came right off after pounding it a couple of times with her last hand. She ate that too! So delicious! She cried. Why hadn't she done this until now?

She sat in a puddle of red and bones. Was this strange? Of course not!

With nothing left but an arm with no fingers, she pounded away at the muscle and skin of her stomach. So, so good. She cried more. She couldn't feel a thing by now. She felt dizzy. With pleasure, she thought.

There was almost nothing left of her now.

But she still craved. She was still hungry.

She cut off her last arm with her teeth. She ate that right up! The bones lingered with the others.

She was finally full.

She died of a bloated stomach.


	4. Who's for Dinner?

How could he, she wondered.

She was almost nine months pregnant and the father of her child had to die by the hands of a psychotic killer. Her eyes seemed redder than usual. She was sad, crying. She was angry, god was she angry. She didn't really want a child anymore.

She finally had the baby.

The first couple of weeks were fine. Everyone loved her new baby. They all said, it's so cute! Just like him, she always said. She was losing her mind. She was definitely losing her mind.

Then one night, she put her baby to sleep.

She didn't want a baby.

She wanted her lover back.

And this was always the sort of thing that drove a woman to insanity. She laughed.

She got an idea, though she wasn't all too hungry.

She woke the baby up. She held it in her arms and chanted the name of her fallen lover. She chanted his name all the way to the oven. She turned his name into a song! She was so mad! You could probably guess what happened next.

The young woman with beautiful hair and lovely eyes sat in a stool, legs crossed, sipping a cup of tea.

From the oven, you could hear screaming. Hellish screaming. Cries were heard. It was so loud! She laughed. Finally the screams had stopped. She laughed.

She sung the name of her fallen lover.

She was mad.


	5. Pretty

She wasn't pretty, she thought.

She was the shy one. Creepy, with odd eyes. Dull, grey, and strange eyes. She was weird. That's what he told her, he said it like a joke. But they all laughed. And even after that, she still loved him.

But she wasn't pretty enough.

Oh, you're so funny, he said. She hadn't said a word. How was she funny? He laughed at her clothes. Why did she always wear jackets? She was odd. And he laughed. She still loved him after that too.

If she was pretty enough, it wouldn't had mattered.

But now that she's grown up, she still loves him.

But he still loves the girl with the pretty pink hair.

That wretched girl with the pretty pink hair.

She ought to cut her up into little bits and pieces!

So she did!

And now there's no competition, she thought.

But he still loves her. He talks about the girl with the pretty pink hair still. He cries. He's sad. Oh don't cry, the girl said. He still cried. Would you cry if I died, she asked. She expected a nice answer. But instead he shook his head instead and said, you just don't get it.

She didn't know if she could love him anymore.

So instead she killed the boy and buried him in her back yard, only the head submerged from dirt. And then she said, now I can love you every day!

She crouched down and kissed his cold lips.

Now, she didn't have to be pretty enough. What a swell day!


	6. Daisy Roulette

**(A/n) I based this one off of Chiodos' "There's No Penguins in Alaska". So good. Go listen. Now. = )**

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He was young and in love.

She was so beautiful.

Long, blonde hair was ingrained in his mind.

He picked another petal off a dying daisy. And he said, so beautiful.

He repeated.

And again.

He picked another petal and said, she loves me.

Another, she loves me not.

She loves me.

She loves me not.

She loves me.

Last one… She loves me… not.

He frowned. He wished she loved him. What could he have expected? She was terrified of him. Everyone was. He had never talked to her, much less. But according to this flower, she never would.

He found her later that day.

He chased her into an alley. She was cornered. He cried. I wish you loved me.

She screamed. She cried, stop!

He was panting, crying.

He really loved her.

I'll stop… he breathed.

Stabbing… he gasped.

When you stop… he cried.

Screaming…

She finally stopped screaming.

He really did love her.

He dropped the knife.


	7. That Cat

When the boy with purple face paint was young, he had a cat.

It was so cute! Grey with blue spots! He loved that cat. He designed his costume after that cat. He loved that cat. It was so cute.

Then one day, he played in the street with that cat.

But then a truck came by and smashed that poor cat.

The boy was sad. He cried a lot.

He still misses that cat.


	8. Revenge

Years ago, a boy tricked a man into a trap and blew the man up. He broke every bone in his body and laughed, crying, I won't die! The boy threw another bomb into the pit and the man was silenced.

He never died.

He never stopped hurting.

He was always bored.

…God, was he bored.

Then one day, a friendly witch strolled by.

He asked her to fix him.

She said no.

But everyday she came by, to keep him a little less bored. She fell in love. She decided to help him. She put his soul into a cat doll. She was so kind, so sweet. He thought he loved her too. He killed her and went on his way.

He kidnapped that same boy.

He cut off his arms, his legs, and locked him in a cage.

He prayed to his god to never let the boy die.

He never died.

He never stopped hurting.

He was always bored.

…God, was he bored.


	9. Down the Toilet, You Go!

His parents were killed.

He sat by himself in the corner and cried because his parents were dead.

His brother ran away.

He sat by himself in the corner and cried because his brother ran away.

His brother killed his parents.

He sat by himself in the corner and cried because his brother killed his parents.

Then he finally stopped crying and wondered what would lead someone to do something like that. He thought for a good hour and finally thought, maybe it's fun to kill people. He thought of a couple of girls' faces from his class he wouldn't mind killing.

For a week he stayed home and wondered what it'd be like to kill someone.

Then finally a girl with pink hair appeared at his house with a box of chocolates and a get-well card. He invited her in and stabbed her in the throat.

But for the life of him, he couldn't figure out what to do with the girl.

He couldn't just leave her on the floor. He planned on living here for a while, and she would surely stink after awhile.

He thought of burying her in the yard, but he didn't think the flowers would appreciate it too much.

He thought of leaving her in someone else's house. That'd sure be a surprise. But he couldn't think how he'd move her somewhere else.

Then he decided to flush her down the toilet.

What a perfect idea!

He set the girl in the toilet and flushed, though she was a little too big.

He tried flushing and pushing her down with the plunger, but that didn't work either.

Finally he decided to cut her up into little pieces and then flush her down the toilet. That finally worked!

A few days later a girl with blond hair appeared at his house with a box of chocolates and a get-well card. He invited her in and stabbed her in the throat.

He cut her up into pieces, laughing, and flushed her down the toilet.

Eventually a lady appeared and asked if he had seen a girl with pink or blond hair around lately. He invited her in and stabbed her in the throat.

Down the toilet she went!

More or a month later, a man appeared and complained that the owners haven't been paying their taxes. He invited him in and stabbed him in the throat.

He went down the toilet too.

Killing _is_ fun!


	10. Giant Boy

There used to be a boy with thin black hair and pale skin. His clothes were a little too tight and he was just a little too weird.

He had a dream one night that he grew 20 feet.

He stepped on everyone, and killed them all. His whole village is dead.

He thought he'd wake up, only he realized later he was never dreaming.

Oh no, everyone's dead and it's all his fault.

Now he just sits alone and cries.


	11. Filthy Traitor!

**(A/n) Based off Chiodos' "One Day all Women will become Monsters". Best band eva. =)**

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They finally caught him.

The traitor hung from a wire, soon to be dead.

They hung him instantly, filthy traitor.

They plucked out his eyes, his red eyes. They screamed, filthy traitor!

He was dead. Dead and grinning. A haunting smirk, it scared them all. A girl with pink hair tore off his lips. Red rained from his mouth. People cheered, rip that haunting smirk from his face! She cried.

Someone prayed, may heaven help him.

But only through it's plagues.

The girl with pink hair stole his body.

She kept him in her room. He lied in her closet for a couple months. She stroked his cheek and smiled. His delicate cheek had turned to rotten flesh! She laughed. He was still beautiful, she thought.

Filthy traitor.


	12. Do You Love Me Now?

**(A/n) Awh, I love Hidan = ( So sad. Btw, "He pasted its blood on his pupils" is borrowed from another Chiodos song ("Bulls Have Horns"), that goes like "Will you hold my eyelids open as I paste your blood on my pupils, then teach me to see with my ears so I'll find out what true beauty really is." I love Chiodos = )**

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Such an odd boy.

His neighbors made fun of his messy hair.

Messy hair, he thought. That's really silly. But he started gelling his hair back to make it neater. Then he thought, surely everyone would love me now.

Oh, they still laughed! It's white, it's white! They laughed.

White hair, he thought. I don't know if I can change that. He found a small deer one day and killed it. He painted his hair red. Then he thought, surely everyone would love me now.

They still laughed. Oh, his eyes! His strange purple eyes!

Purple eyes, he thought. How am I going to change that? He found a small rabbit one day and killed it. He pasted its blood on his pupils. Was red any better? He wasn't sure. He couldn't see a thing. But surely everyone would love him now.

Freak, freak! They all cried. He killed the poor deer! He killed the poor rabbit! Such an odd boy!

The poor boy cried and ran away from home. Were neighbors really so mean?

Then that day, the boy met a god.

He promised to love him as long as the boy did what he said.

He did what the god said.

He killed all his neighbors. He killed all his family. Oh, they were all dead!

He laughed.

He laughed. He said, who's laughing now?

It didn't matter if they all died. He finally found someone to love him.

He had never felt so loved.


	13. Happiness Through Hallucinations

I'm not happy, she said.

Blond hair and blue eyes, the girl who had everything. Oh, she wasn't happy.

She cried through the night and asked, how come I'm not happy?

She wasn't happy.

She cried all night and got no sleep.

Not happy, not happy.

She wondered all night, she wondered so much, she lost her mind.

Hallucinate. Hallucinate.

The trees turned into monsters and her house set fire. The sky cursed at her and the ground tried to shake her dead. She grinned!

Hallucinate. Hallucinate!

She grinned.

A moment later she found her hands around the cat's neck. She shook it, but the poor thing wouldn't move. She lied it down, but it still never moved.

Hallucinate!

The cat turned into a monster and swallowed her whole. She grinned! 

But the cat was dead.

She was finally happy.


	14. Bug Boy and Lawn Mower

She wasn't like him.

What an irritating stepmother she was!

She wasn't anything like the rest of his family, even.

She mocked his jacket! She yelled, silly boy! Where are you going with that silly trench coat of yours? She joked, going to kidnap some young girls? She laughed.

She mocked his glasses! She yelled, silly boy! Where are you going with those silly glasses of yours? She joked, tanning? She laughed.

The poor boy was sad.

What a bitch.

Then one day the boy's stepmother asked him to mow the lawn. What a silly thing to ask! The lawn had never been mowed. But she said, it's high time it's been cut down! He asked, but what about the bugs.

She snarled and laughed, what about the bugs? What a strange thing to ask! Go mow that lawn.

He didn't mow the lawn.

However, he did get the mower out. What a pretty mower it was. Shiny and green, no doubt (then he wondered, if they never mow the lawn, why would there be a mower?).

Though he didn't cut the grass down to size, no!

Oh, but he ran over his stepmother! What a lovely red parade! A spilling of red with crushed white confetti! Cracking and screaming was a lovely sound, it was! Oh, even her hair was cut down! Patches of hair were gone from her head!

Oh, but you really couldn't tell. 

All that was left of her head was big red scalp.


	15. Don't Lose Your Temper

Red on his hands!

What's wrong with this one, they wondered.

He talked too much, lord!

Red on his chest!

And this one?

He can't follow directions!

Red on his shoes!

What about her?

Incompetent, he said.

You killed them all, the leader said. We have just one left, so don't lose your temper!

Oh, but he lost his temper!

This man with odd white hair talked more than the first. He couldn't be quiet! He could only follow directions less than the second. He always got lost! Incompetent and reckless! He didn't seem to care if he lost a limb! Was this man mad?

He lost his temper!

He cut off the man at the waist. This man was in two! I'm in trouble, he thought.

You bitch, he cussed. You fucking whore! Stitch me together this instant! He cussed, if you don't, my fucking lord will punish you! Fuck you!

Was he going mad? He should be dead! He was going mad! The man with odd white hair continued to cuss and scream, and the man with green eyes suddenly wasn't so angry and a little relieved. He stitched the man right up again.

The man with odd white hair continued to cuss and yell.

Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.


	16. World in Red

**(A/n). I JUST finished watching Human Centipede, and I don't think I've ever been that emotionally disturbed EVER. Seriously. My stomach is still turning. But I've never been so inspired either. :D ~ Oh, horrible movies lead to lovely things.**

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He was disgusting, he thought.

Red painted his lips. It painted his hands! It painted his yellow hair!

So, foul.

His world in red, he cried.

His world was in red!

Hair came from his mouth. It was pink, pink and red soaked!

He cried.

He loves her so much!

He loves her, but what good does it do when the girl he loves is in his stomach?

His world in red, he cried.

He couldn't remember how this happened. How did this happen, he wondered?

All that he hadn't swallowed, was a leg.

And in the back of his mind he could hear someone screaming, Leave nothing left! Devour everything in this red world!

His world was in red!

He swallowed the rest of her scalp and died of a broken heart.


	17. acidcokeshroomssalviaweedlsd

**(A/n) "They're crawling out, they're crawling out of our skin," is another Chiodos lyric. I forgot from which song, but I'm pretty sure it was "Two Birds Stoned at Once". Enjoy ;3**

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They're crawling out, he cried.

They're crawling out of my skin!

He hid in his closet.

Insects crawled out of his arms! Oh, they were horrible! He cut his arms apart with glass to try and get them all out.

They never stopped.

They only kept coming!

He screamed!

He could hear them! He could hear them crawling, and gnawing on his skin! It hurt, god it hurt!

They even smelled like something foul.

They cut off his long, brown hair!

He couldn't find it anywhere!

A giant spider spit in his face and hissed!

He cried, he was sobbing! He was so scared.

It's only your cousin, said the spider.

His cousin was crying. She trembled and stuttered, What's wrong?

He couldn't answer. Why? Because the bugs were gone and his hair was in his hands. His arms leaked red and muscle! Oh, it was everywhere! His arms' insides were all over the closet floor!

There never were any bugs.

Maybe it was a bad idea to experiment with drugs.


	18. Tangled

**(A/n) God, I used to fucking love SasuHina. Or, I guess I still do, just not as much. Or I just don't really care too much anymore. This entire chapter was based off of Chiodos' "...And Then the Liver Screamed, 'HELP!'" So, so good. Seriously, like one of their best songs ever! Go listen, it's rad! :D**

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Oh, he was nowhere to be found!

Nowhere to be found!

Her sun had been missing for…

Oh, how long had it been?

She had long forgotten… one, two months… four… six… six moths, she was sure. Half a year, she guessed. Oh, but it could've easily been a year! She hadn't kept track. She hadn't done a thing since her sun had left.

But what's another shot gonna hurt?

Or another bottle?

All she could think, all she could cry! The sun-like boy with moon-like eyes was nowhere to be found! Ran away with the girl with pink hair! Or that's what he said! The girl with pink hair is back, looking so guilty.

Now, living with a pain in her side!

Such a cold boy, black eyes and hair! Such a cold boy, nothing like the sun!

He was a pain in her side, and she'd been drinking all night long to get rid of him! But he just wouldn't go away!

Her lovely cousin and her lovely sister! They'd visit too often. They'd still visit though she knew they couldn't take her!

She could hear them screaming out, we'll kill ourselves to save ourselves!

Oh, it made no sense, no sense.

We'll kill ourselves to save ourselves!

Oh, she couldn't breathe! Melting in the floor, swimming in empty bottles, trying to catch her breath. That horrible pain in her side tried to save her. He cried, she cried.

She couldn't help it, she couldn't help it!

She was too tangled up in the sun.


	19. Cough Up Your Lungs, I Say!

She choked!

The brunette girl choked!

She coughed, but she couldn't cough anything out of her throat!

She couldn't breathe!

The brunette girl couldn't breath!

She reached her hands down her throat and pulled up something pink. Oh, something pink? Something pink sprayed with red!

She pulled it out and something snapped!

But what was in her hands?

Her lungs, her lungs!

She couldn't breath!

The brunette girl couldn't breathe and died!

Oh, how sad? How said is this?

She suffocated and died, poor girl.


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